what was i doing when i was 20 years old?
the first branch of starbucks along katipunan opened when i was 20. after school, maui and i would elbow out ateneans and those girls from miriam so we could get a table and study-- while nursing our caffe lattes, gossiping and flirting with our fellow wannabes.
except for my major subjects, i barely paid attention to school when i was 20. i consumed the six allowable absences for all my subjects, i always procrastinated when it came to school work and i only went to the library to return overdue books which, more often than not-- i didn't even read.
( i do have a point, i just don't know how to get there.)
i said i didn't know. but i'll find out.
what i found out a few minutes later brought a sense of dejavu.
someone had died again in the hands of his would be fraternity brothers.
he was 20 years old.
during my second year in UP, a classmate in econ 11 discussion class had a similar fate. i remember still seeing his name on the class list after his death. a little cross followed his family name.
he was 19 years old.
1999 was even more traumatizing when a fellow journ major, who was not even a fratman was gunned down at AS walk in broad daylight.
he was 21 years old.
the first branch of starbucks along katipunan opened when i was 20. after school, maui and i would elbow out ateneans and those girls from miriam so we could get a table and study-- while nursing our caffe lattes, gossiping and flirting with our fellow wannabes.
except for my major subjects, i barely paid attention to school when i was 20. i consumed the six allowable absences for all my subjects, i always procrastinated when it came to school work and i only went to the library to return overdue books which, more often than not-- i didn't even read.
( i do have a point, i just don't know how to get there.)
***
so i write this post 14 days after emil texted to ask if it's true that a student from my college died of hazing and was unceremoniously dumped at a morgue a day before.i said i didn't know. but i'll find out.
what i found out a few minutes later brought a sense of dejavu.
someone had died again in the hands of his would be fraternity brothers.
he was 20 years old.
during my second year in UP, a classmate in econ 11 discussion class had a similar fate. i remember still seeing his name on the class list after his death. a little cross followed his family name.
he was 19 years old.
1999 was even more traumatizing when a fellow journ major, who was not even a fratman was gunned down at AS walk in broad daylight.
he was 21 years old.
***
at the masses for the latest casualty, the priests comforted the tired and severely traumatized community of UP-NCPAG by saying that God must have other plans.
last friday, i sat behind mrs. mendez.
i avoided shaking hands with her for fear that i might feel her grief-- which i imagine to be too overwhelming and intense-- i was sure it would break my heart and kill me.
i didn't know what to do. i wanted to call my therapist at that moment to help me process what i felt.
***
i told myself, i'd wring my brain dry and work my ass off so i could send my sons to ateneo because i definitely would not want them to be going to school with the greeks of UP.
i want my kids to live beyond the age of 20, 30, 40, 50, 60...
***
i have no idea how to end this post.
perhaps, with a few moments of silence....
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