wilderness moment

i got my first pay check from the government today.

after a month of hard work, i got this much... err.. this little...

i squeezed the accounting department dry of their patience this afternoon.

coming from an international donor agency, the deductions were a bit too disconcerting.

fine, when i went back to government, i knew the deal-- and that is, i will not be exempted from paying social security and health premiums --and that wicked item known as income tax.

the final figures, their answers to my queries and my upcoming expenses triggered an anxiety attack.

sheesh, i have to get a grip on my spending.

and start praying for miracles.

prayers. i wonder how many people still pray.

i do pray.

now that i think about it, i wonder what God's reaction was this morning when i started whining about this paycheck fiasco. i was going (in a panicky mode): "God, HEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!!! look at my paycheck. my take home pay is so liit. i might go hungry. i won't be able to buy shoes anymore. i'm poor--- boooohooo...."

yes, i talk to God that way from time to time. i mean, He understands. and i believe He can help me with my dilemma. after all, He is this same God who sent manna and quails from heaven for 40 years when the israelites traveled in the wilderness right?

surely, even with my meager salary, He can keep my body and soul together. i mean, what's a few thousand pesos for my monthly bills, some pairs of shoes, and a dozen krispy kreme doughnuts?

nini said that faith is like a muscle. you have to work it to make it strong, to keep it from atrophizing.

i am exercising right now.