it's called jet lag

i said i would flood my blogsite with all the things in my head the minute i become unemployed.

four days after, my mailbox is overflowing with messages from my avid readers, (namely my sisters and their chihuahuas) because i haven't written a thing since friday.

now let me make this site interactive.

why do you think did it take me four days to write a new entry:

1. i really have nothing in my head.

2. writers' block... (or if you don't consider me a writer, then call it plain writing incapacity).

3. i am in a 3rd world country where power outages and poor telecom infrastructure do not go out of style.

4. i have been busy.

and the correct answer is......


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i had my interview with larry king last june 30.

i flew all the way from funila to atlanta to talk to larry king. by the time i got to hartsfield-jackson, the paparazzi were everywhere. i had to don a blonde wig to trick them, otherwise, they'll be crawling on the windshield of the black lincoln navigator that picked me and asking "who the hell are you and why will you be in larry king?"





anyway, we managed to get to the studio, 10 minutes before the show. here's an excerpt of the interview:

larry king: what's with the blonde hair? is that a wig or what?

me: in case you find me dumb, you can call me "that dumb blonde" and not just "that dumb." that'll be boring.

larry: let's talk about your sleeping disorder. recent studies have shown that more and more women your age are popping sleeping pills just to get some zzzs. do you think we have an epidemic?

me: i think it's a case of life imitating art. if you've read g.g. marquez's 100 years of solitude, it had a chapter wherein the whole macondo had this sleepless epidemic. it was really wonderful. the community was much more efficient because they don't waste time sleeping.

larry: so what do you do when you can't sleep? in fight club, your favorite movie, jack stays up and makes soap.

me: i make soap operas in my head.

larry: you are actually smart. so how come you pretend to be dumb?

me: so we can all hang out together.

****

the interview was suppose to last 20 minutes. but it was shortened to just eight minutes. okay, i'll come clean with this one. the interview was cut because barely a minute after i started yakking, the show's ratings suddenly plunged to its lowest low after 50 years, prompting the advertisers to issue a threat to pull out.

oh the injustice of it all.

*****

i threw my blonde wig to the show's producer and told him: "you know what, someday i will become oprah and you will all be out of TV."

the producer answered: "of course honey, by the time you become oprah--or even tyra, the television will be so out."

grrr.....

just as i was about to let out a blood curdling scream, my phone--which i put on roaming-- rang.

my friends, who were to throw a party for their mom on july 1 were wondering if i can join them.

if alibaba had "abrakadabra," to open up the cave that contained his hidden treasure (i'm not so sure--yikes, it's open sesame pala), the magic word that often opens me up and jolts me back to life is: "let'sparty."

so i got in the next flight to heathrow to party with my friends.

when i got to my hotel in london, the receptionist handed me this:

we miss you, tita diana
an invitation to the concert for princess diana

the party was super. i loved the performances of fergi, nelly furtado and joss stone.

at the after party event:
william, some unknown girl, tom jones, me and harry

harry was telling me to take off my shades to show off my chinita eyes. but i told him, after what happened the past two days, my asian eyes looked partly garfield the cat and partly racoon. and bloody hell, with thighs as huge as that, i think i really better go incognito.

william asked if i am staying to catch the wimbeldon championship. but i remembered that my archipelago has yet to have a new revenue chief and i have to be back in 3rd world manila just in case mrs. arroyo decides to appoint anyone. and i hoped that that anyone would be me.

*****

at heathrow, while i was sipping my tea and taking a bite of my muffin, news broke out that they've arrested a coupla suspects linked to the glasgow airport car crash and they're launching a crackdown among the medical service people.

so yeah, we had to wait longer for another never ending security check before my plane took off.

stop. terrorizing. us.

during the 18-hour flight back home, i was tired, hungry, anxious and sick.

by the time i got off the plane, i realized that july is on its 3rd day, i am currently jobless, my appointment to the cabinet was taking soooo long, my interview with larry king was cut short and the terrorists are bombing my most favorite places in the universe-- airports.

waaaahhhhhhhhh.......

****

i'm now home at my mom's house, currently nursing a jet lag.

*****

ah, the world of pretend.


lovely, aight?