find me a mistletoe

seven days before lovely christmas.

i woke up, after a not-so restful, interrupted sleep.

all the partying, the shopping, the cramming finally took their toll on me,

my nose is stuffy, my throat hurts. i'm staring at the blank screen of my PC, zombified.


***

i got to my office at 10AM and got myself some chocolate drink. wala lang, i thought, chocolate can help.

so there i was, drinking my magnolia chuckie, waiting for the elevator when mr. senator stood beside me, also waiting for the elevator.

i didn't bother saying good morning, because, well, i was not really having a good morning.

his security detail was looking at me. i was wearing my goggles--err... bangaw shades.

my favorite senator's chief-of-staff came in. hello, hello. we all got inside the elevator.

***

i got off at the fifth floor. there were two k9 units waiting.

"what the ef?" i asked inside my head.

i don't like dogs.

turns out, people-- patrons, lobbyists and political-players have been flooding the different offices in our building with gifts. and to avoid a repeat of the HOR bombing, they deployed dogs to sniff at the gifts.

i didn't see k9 units at the lobby though. just at the 5th floor.

are we missing something here?

yes. go figure.

***
and that trip!!!!

*****

this holiday season is just crazy.

tick tock

'tis the season to be busy, falalalala, lalalala...

unbelievable... 11 days to go before christmas and i am running out of time, money, patience and sanity.

i'm not yet done with my christmas shopping.

i'm not yet done with my three other projects.

i'm not getting enough sleep.

i'm drinking wine and bacardi like i'm a fish.

i've got a gazillion parties, dinners, coffees, cocktails, charity event, get together and wakes to attend.

and of course, i have to deal with the long lines in cashiers (made worse by people who use their credit cards for a 300peso purchase-- argh!), the traffic (just plain crazy), the bargain shoppers who always box me out and get the best items in bazaars, relatives who ask when i'll get married, frenemies that i have to be nice to in the spirit of the season, kids who grow up so fast-- the clothes i bought for them just won't fit now, and yes-- all the strangers that you have to shake hands/ socialize with.

and yeah, that winter trip in seven days.

jeeez.... talk about being like butter spread thinly over steaming bibingka.

now, with all that bruhaha, i think i deserve some good stuff. here's my list:

put them under my christmas tree

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS:

- a job that pays me to be me

- subscription to hollywood tabloids, women's glossies, and the american journal of political science

- more babies in the family (kids are just adorable)

- my own franchise of fix salon, gold's gym, cyma, sugi and coffee bean. all right, my own mall.

- shoes.

- bags by bea valdez and tina ocampo

- monopoly of donor funded projects

- trips abroad

- free salon and derma services

- the whole of ongpin and binondo. yes, including probable monster-in-law.

- lose 20 pounds. (a top priority)



happy christmas everyone.

......

at my office:

it's only 1:33pm.

haven't been here the past two days due to menstrual and mental cramps.

mental cramps resulting from that pant-pull-down fiasco.

i wanna go home na.

got tired crying and speaking in another language at the same time.

obama rama and the queen of america

look-y look-y who's supporting obama rama?

i wonder who will bat for hillary?

because saying "i died!" won't be enough

change the world. social entrepreneurship.

my three brain cells were over working to digest these concepts while i was having cocktails with a couple of interesting people at the asia society and philippines 21 event.

then this guy, asked me if my name is really just g.h.

normally, i would roll my eyes and say "umm... yeah..." and depending on my temperament, my body language would convey-- now drop it.

but it was different last night. i was willing to give this person a professorial lecture on why i have two letters and two periods for a first name and how the church and government accepted it and how people have been harassing me since kindergarten (that was 13 years ago) because of my name. and oh yeah, about other things, like my parents' phone number in case he decides to ask my hand in marriage.

talk about being swept off my feet. or in last night's case, being swept off my stilletos.

"oh yes, g.h. is my name. just g.h."

"does it mean anything? grace?"

"no. it's my dad's initials actually."

"oh."

in my mind, i was going shet, think fast of what else to say, don't let him go yet.

"by the way, i haven't congratulated you."

"for what?"

"for being the outstanding alumnus of NCPAG this year."

"oh, so you're from NCPAG."

"yeah. actually, i was supposed to be the one to nominate you but i was too shy to interview you. so it was tita liling who finally accomplished and submitted your nomination."

"really, why were you shy?"

at that point, i was like, "why am i shy? can't you see i am stuterring and hyperventillating here. you're too gwapo for me to handle."

but of course i didn't say that. i said something lame-r.

"umm... kasi you were busy." (eek. lame-o right?)

"oh well. so let's toast to that." (raised his goblet (?) of wine)

"cheers." (i clinked my goblet with his.)

smile smile smile smile smile smile smile.....

i told him i work at this government institution. i had to restrain myself from telling him that in case he runs for the senate in 2010, can i be part of his team?

for a few heartbeats, we talked about my favorite subject in the whole wide universe, which i also guess is his favorite subject-- politics.

"who knows, V might be president after all." he said.

"that is, if R lets him be president, or G."

"lets him be president." he laughed.

shoot, i can go on hearing that laughter, seeing those dimples, and i will, not even for a second get tired of it.

then the cliche--some good things never last-- had to happen. time to switch to other people--err talk to other people.

i swear, if i had three most favorite moments in my life and i'll be allowed to go back to them, i would be back at the ayala musuem lobby, at the asia society event, in my stilletos.

who was the guy?

photo from chuvaness

adel tamano.

now you understand why i just can't say "i died" to tell the story.

but yeah, i died.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

• this is the era of advanced women's rights, next level women's empowerment.
• and men are feeling more emasculated than ever.
• those who can't handle it resort to their cavemen ways-- that is, try to overpower women with force or with any way they can.
• to anyone, well actually to the male employers/ employees in government, before you go about broadcasting your sexual prowess or conquests in the office / or directing your green jokes at a female co-worker/ below are some pertinent provisions of the ADMINISTRATIVE DISCIPLINARY RULES ON SEXUAL HARASSMENT CASES, RESOLUTION NO. 01-0940, passed by the Civil Service Commission that you may want to know:

RULE III.
DEFINITION

Section 3. For the purpose of these Rules, the administrative offense of sexual harassment is an act, or a series of acts, involving any unwelcome sexual advance, request or demand for a sexual favor, or other verbal or physical behavior of a sexual nature, committed by a government employee or official in a work-related, training or education related environment of the person complained of.

(a) Work related sexual harassment is committed under the following circumstances:

(1) submission to or rejection of the act or series of acts is used as a basis for any employment decision (including, but not limited to, matters related to hiring, promotion, raise in salary, job security, benefits and any other personnel action) affecting the applicant/employee; or

(2) the act or series of acts have the purpose or effect of interfering with the complainant’s work performance, or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment; or

(3) the act or series of acts might reasonably be expected to cause discrimination, insecurity, discomfort, offense or humiliation to a complainant who may be a co-employee, applicant, customer, or word of the person complained of.

(b) Education or training-related sexual harassment is committed against one who is under the actual or constructive care, custody or supervision of the offender, or against one whose education, training, apprenticeship, internship or tutorship is directly or constructively entrusted to, or is provided by, the offender, when:

(1) submission to or rejection of the act or series of acts as a basis for any decision affecting the complainant, including, but not limited to, the giving of a grade, the granting of honors or a scholarship, the payment of a stipend or allowance, or the giving of any benefit, privilege or consideration.

(2) the act or series of acts have the purpose or effect of interfering with the performance, or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive academic environment of the complainant; or

(3) the act or series of acts might reasonably expected to cause discrimination, insecurity, discomfort, offense or humiliation to a complainant who may be a trainee, apprentice, intern, tutee or ward of the person complained of.

Section 4. Sexual harassment may take place:

1. in the premises of the workplace or office or of the school or training institution;

2. in any place where the parties were found as a result of work or education or training responsibilities or relations;

3. at work or education or training-related social functions;

4. while on official business outside the office or school or training institution or during work or school or training-related travel;

5. at official conferences, fora, symposia or training sessions; or

6. by telephone, cellular phone, fax machine or electronic mail.

RULE IV.
FORMS OR SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Section 5. The following are illustrative forms of sexual harassment:
(a) Physical
i. Malicious Touching;
ii. Overt sexual advances;
iii. Gestures with lewd insinuation.

(b) Verbal, such as but not limited to, requests or demands for sexual favors, and lurid remarks; (c) Use of objects, pictures or graphics, letters or writing notes with sexual underpinnings;
(d) Other forms analogous to the forgoing.

RULE V.
PERSONS LIABLE FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Section 6. Any government official or employee, regardless of sex, is liable for sexual harassment when he/she:

(a) directly participates in the execution of any act of sexual harassment as defined by these Rules;
(b) induces or directs another or others to commit sexual harassment as defined by these Rules; (c) cooperates in the commission of sexual harassment by another through an act without which the sexual harassment would not have been accomplished;
(d) cooperates in the commission of sexual harassment by another through previous or simultaneous acts.

RULE X.
CLASSIFICATION OF ACTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Section 53. Sexual harassment is classified as grave, less grave and light offenses.

A. Grave Offenses shall include, but are not limited to:
1. unwanted touching of private parts of the body (genitalia, buttocks and breast);
2. sexual assault;
3. malicious touching;
4. requesting for sexual favor in exchange for employment, promotion, local or foreign travels, favorable working conditions or assignments, a passing grade, the granting of honors or scholarship, or the grant of benefits or payment of a stipend or allowance, and
5. other analogous cases.

B. Less Grave Offenses shall include, but are not limited to:
1. unwanted touching or brushing against a victim’s body;
2. pinching not falling under grave offenses;
3. derogatory or degrading remarks or innuendoes directed toward the members of one sex, or one’s sexual orientation or used to describe a person;
4. verbal abuse with sexual overtones; and
5. other analogous cases.

C. The following shall be considered Light Offenses;
1. surreptitiously looking or staring a look of a person’s private part or worn undergarments;
2. telling sexist/smutty jokes or sending these through text, electronic mail or other similar means, causing embarrassment or offense and carried out after the offender has been advised that they are offensive or embarrassing or, even without such advise, when they are by their nature clearly embarrassing, offensive or vulgar;
3. malicious leering or ogling;
4. the display of sexually offensive pictures, materials or graffiti;
5. unwelcome inquiries or comments about a person’s sex life;
6. unwelcome sexual flirtation, advances, propositions;
7. making offensive hand or body gestures at an employee;
8. persistent unwanted attention with sexual overtones;
9. unwelcome phone calls with sexual overtones causing discomfort, embarrassment, offense or insult to the receiver; and
10. other analogous cases.

RULE XI.
ADMINISTRATIVE LIABILITIES

Section 54. The head of office who fails to act within fifteen (15) days from receipt of any complaint for sexual harassment properly filed against any employee in that office shall be charged with Neglect of Duty.

Section 55. Any person who is found guilty of sexual harassment shall, after the investigation, be meted the penalty corresponding to the gravity and seriousness of the offense.

Section 56. The penalties for light, less grave, and grave offenses are as follows:

A. For light offenses:
1st offense – Reprimand
2nd offense – Fine or suspension not exceeding thirty (30) days
3rd offense – Dismissal

B. For less grave offenses:
1st offense – Fine or suspension of not less than thirty (30) days and not exceeding six (6) months
2nd offense – Dismissal

C. For grave offenses: Dismissal

Section 57. If the respondent is found guilty of two or more charges or counts, the penalty to be imposed should be that corresponding to the most serious charge or count and the rest shall be considered as aggravating circumstances.

***

moral of the entry:

1. be responsible for your action/inaction.

2. DO NOT MESS with a glamazon from UP. (dahil kung halang ang bituka nyo, mas halang ang bituka ko. )

mischief, mayhem... quakes and coup...

25 days to go before christmas and i am cramming like i would only live till the end of the year.

the price i have to pay for playing the role of a world class procrastinator so well. i should get a freaking award.

neeho, at least i'm done with the preparations for the UN conference on climate change in bali.

***

wow, what a week this last seven days of november is turning out to be. it has been raining non-stop and manila is becoming like seattle. only, we've had an earthquake two days ago and now, a stand off in makati.

rebel soldiers taking over manila penn

ATE GLUE: water proof, coup proof, impeachment proof

COOL. Minutes after being informed of the standoff in Makati, Pres Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo plays it cool at the Colonel Lauro Dizon Memorial High School in San Pablo City, where she graced a local peace summit, as she waits for her helicopter ride to Malacañang minutes after being informed of te Trillanes march., President Arroyo plays it cool as she waits for her chopper ride to Malacañang. INQUIRER.NET/LIRA FERNANDEZ

***

after all the brain activity that i had this week, i'm not sure if i can come up with something intelligent to say about this stand off.

i still don't like GMA but i don't think i'm going to makati after work because it's raining and traffic to makati after office is just intolerable. besides, i still don't have enough money to do my christmas shopping. but god jnows i really, reeeeeaaaaaaallllllllllly want to go shopping.

i hope everything in greenbelt goes on sale after this standoff.

kawawa naman my city, battered na battered-- first, the glorietta explosion, and now, this.

i wonder how trading and the peso will do on monday.

i have a question: why does senator trillanes love taking over posh hotels?

if i were to launch a muntiny, i'd stage it in greenbelt.

why you ask? wala lang, it's my playground eh. at least i'll be in my comfort zone.

***

allright, so i was downloading the photo of greenbelt when i saw this:

i hope the stand off ends tonight so i can go shopping tomorrow.

sitting amuck... like really

at this very moment, i am my blog.

i am trying to control myself from going berserk.

and i am not even PMS-ing.

gaddamit.

f**k it, f**k them, f**k everything.

hate it.



GRRRR....

me and my procrastinating a**

2nd semester has started.

i have yet to construct the course site.

and i am not yet done with the 1st sem grades of my students.

GOD, help.

another bouquet in november

i started november with an entry remembering the dead.

my perennially low emotional quotient makes me hesitant to talk, to write about death. i dunno. i'm already 27 and yet, i still find it-- difficult to come to terms with the reality that we will all die.

the recent news of death that hit the media left me shaken. grieving. asking a lot of questions.

this entry is in memory of mrs. dulce saguisag, mariannet amper and the victims of the blast at congress last night.

i also found this song of rivermaya from their very first album. (click on the title to listen)

Flowers


Someone's gone away Forever
Someone's gone away Too soon
Did they take him Up to Heaven
Or did they take himTo the moon?

Nobody answers
All her questions
So she gazes at the skies
Maybe somedayWhen she's all Grown up
She'll join themIn their lies.

And just before She turns away
She crafts a little smile:

someday i will take this flowers to the sky

someone bring back the sanity

at nine last night, as i was going out of waltermart along pasong tamo, (incurable mall rat i really am), my phone beeped. and beeped. and beeped.

i didn't get to read the messages right away. i was a bit paranoid of displaying my phone inside the jeepney-- i mean hello, people are hungry in this side of the planet and my candy pink-colored motorola, when resold can afford to feed a family of five for three days.

i thought, my new home is only a few blocks away anyway, so the messages can wait. and had it really been an emergency, people would've called. we spent two minutes, fifty seconds waiting for the green light in the intersection of south super highway and arnaiz avenue and a good 10 seconds to make sure that the coast is clear-- meaning-- there are no speeding dump trucks that would crash into us and kill us instantly.

by the time i got home and checked my phone, five messages from family and friends were waiting. all the texts pretty much said: BATASAN was bombed. congressmen and staff were hurt. where are you?

gmanews.tv

the south wing takes a big bang

gmanews.tv

one minute you're alive and breathing, next minute,

you're inside a body bag, dead.

i had to sit down.

i don't want to be morbid and all but really, it's as if death is coming closer by the day. barely a month after glorietta was bombed--err-- okay not bombed, after the particles of gases in the basement of g2 went amuck, here's another big bang.

(by the way, i wonder why the authorities is taking gazillion years to determine the cause of the glorietta explosion? )

my playgrounds are being annihilated.

they bombed a government agency this time. who knows when and where the next bomb will detonate?

i've run out of theories and possible solutions.

right now, i am just scared.

pinoy big briber

i'm trying to outgrow 3rd world politics. believe me.

i'm trying to become a full blooded technocrat. no more politics. technocracy is the way for me. technocracy. technocrazy. whatevs.

will probably come up with an entirely diferrent kind of blog next year. shameless plug, i know.

neehoo, the tempest-- which is the drama of the wicked and wonderful world of brown monkey politics is still raging. as ever.

someone is due for eviction from malacanang.

tomorrow, November 9, 2007 is International Day of Protest Kontra sa Panggagago.

In some major cities around the world, Filipino communities will wear black and organize protest actions on this day to declare with a strong voice: “Tama na! Sobra na! Ginagago na ang mamamayang Pilipino!”

In Metro Manila, we will wear black and assemble at the Ninoy Aquino Statue along Ayala Ave. and Paseo de Roxas at 11:30 am. We will then march towards the Makati Post Office, buy stamps and each one of us will mail a Pinoy Big Briber postcard with a personalized message to GMA.




for downloads, visit www.pinoybigbriber.com.

God save this country.

mush

i've finally moved out of QC.

was thinking of one person the whole time i was packing.

this has been playing in my head whenever i think of that dude since-- i dunno when. probably over the summer. i'm not sure.

bottomline, i'm cheesy today.

condolences

offering these gerberas to family and friends who have departed.

anyway, i was a bit shocked to hear of the death of Lieutenant Colonel Renerio Batalla, the Philippine Army officer who died of malaria while on international peacekeeping assignment in Sudan last week.

the UN secretary general sent his condolences to the family.

what shocked me about this is number one, the reality that there are still some places where malaria happens. second would be, that malaria can still actually be a cause of death. and lastly, how bad is the condition in sudan? i mean, weren't there doctors or why weren't they able to treat him?

hmmm... o yeah, i remember the questionnaire that one has to answer when applying for a post in the UN's peacekeeping missions.

Mission Readiness

It is very difficult to define what being ready for mission service really means. How can one possibly prepare for the unexpected?

There are, however, some basic ways in which you can assess whether or not you are the kind of person willing to meet the challenges of the field, and to benefit from the experience both personally and professionally. The following provides you with some questions to help you determine your own suitability for mission service. We suggest that you consider them very carefully before making the decision to apply:

• Would you feel comfortable working in a foreign country, where the culture, language and customs are different from your own? Do you have the curiosity and energy to learn the local language(s), culture, history and political climate of a mission? Could you be sensitive to cultural and gender differences when dealing with both the indigenous population and United Nations colleagues?

• Would you feel comfortable leaving your family, friends, and personal obligations for a period of 6 months or more? The majority of the missions are considered special, or ?non-family?, which means that staff members are strongly discouraged from bringing dependents and family members to the mission area. The United Nations does not assist family members with visas, transport, or other services provided to staff. Furthermore, family members are not included in the security arrangements made for United Nations personnel.

• Are you prepared to endure the daily hardships and potential hazards of mission life? These hardships and hazards may involve meager accommodations, fluctuating food and water supply, adverse climate and health conditions, restricted communications with areas outside of the mission, and security risks within potentially hostile circumstances.

• Are you enthusiastic, self-motivated, and independent? Do you have the capacity to be a true team-player, dedicated to working with others in group decision-making? Are you willing to work 7 days per week, 15 hours per day, if necessary?

• Would you characterize yourself as having patience, understanding, and grace under pressure, as well as a sense of humor that can defuse potentially awkward situations? Are you self-confident while recognizing both your own weaknesses and strengths? Do you view change as inevitable and respond to it as a source of renewal and improvement?

• Are you well-organized, structuring your time efficiently and setting realistic goals and priorities in the context of a stressful, potentially chaotic environment? Do you exercise good judgment and feel comfortable making decisions that may have profound ramifications?

• Are you, to the best of your knowledge, in good overall physical and mental health? In order to be approved for mission assignment, all staff members must undergo a full medical examination and be cleared for service by the United Nations Medical Director.

i answered most of the questions with outright "NO"... some i answered with a hesitant.. "ummm--yeah, i think so..."

what did you expect?

wait, let's just put it this way, if Paris Hilton survives Rwanda, then i think i'll give this a try.

zzz....

aside from the gazillion things that i've been procrastinating, i should be packing.

packing yes. where am i going? moving out of QC and to a friend's place in makati.

as usual, i'm getting this separation anxiety blah blah. would you believe it, i've fought with five people since monday. i won't give the details-- bottomline, i was wearing my all year round costume-- that of mc nasty.

aargghhh...

rocks was telling me that my petty bourgeois dilemma might be caused by the lack of endorphins. probably. i haven't exercised in the past 14 months, thank you.

separation anxiety and knowing that session is resuming this coming week and that christmas is just around the corner.

christmas. pressure. God bless our wallets.


****

neeho, so i was going thru a coupla researches *wink* this morning when i clicked one link and then the next and voila! i found these:







as you may all know, SJP, kim catrall, cynthia nixon and kristin davis have been seen all over nueva york, shooting for SATC the movie.

so, is carrie bradshaw tying the know with mr. big? let's wait for the movie.

now that i think of it, my post college friends-- sarah, tintin, monie and i have been like samantha, charlotte, miranda and carrie.

we love the city, the shoes, the shopping, the gossip, the men in our lives.

and yes, one of us is getting married soon!

guess who?

gyllenspoon or reesanhaal. whatevs.

all the current third world drama has taken too much space on my blog. so to balance the negativity (oh wait, was there anything positive about GMA's administration? LoL!), let me rave about this:

feel the amore

su-weet!

jake gyllenhaal and reese witherspoon were spotted together, in various levels of PDA, in rome after the premier of rendition.

so they still are together.

so jake ain't really gay.

i think i'll place them as my current favorite hollywood couple.

(nevermind if jake looks four months pregnant.)

i. don't. want. to. blog. about. this.

The wild fire at Schwarzenegger's domain left at least three people -- and possibly as many as seven -- dead, and razed about 1,700 homes. Estimated total damage is pegged at a staggering 1 billion uncle sam dollars.

***

here at my wicked third world republic, sparks have been ignited, which i hope will burn down malacanang and its occupants.

i promised i will stick to being a full blooded technocrat. i promised NOT to talk about philippine politics ever again. at least not in this blog.

but this one is a little bit too much...

i stayed away from the computer the past three days to keep me from writing about this. but the proverbial fire in the belly that my journ professors back in college talked about must have been blazing inside of me.

and so i break my promise and rant.

gloria macapagal arroyo granted executive clemency to erap estrada who was convicted of plunder by the sandiganbayan, about six weeks ago.

erap signing his freedom papers at tanay

malacanang spin doctors insist that there is nothing wrong in granting executive clemency to erap.

to begin with, GMA being president has the power to do so.

that erap being 70 plus should be granted pardon.

that with donya mary's condition it is but human to allow the convicted former president to be by his dying mom's bedside.

that pardoning erap would heal the wounds of division, inflicted by dirty politics in society.

so noble right?

however, looking behind enemy lines, this is what i see:

GMA granted erap executive clemency because she knows that anytime soon, the minority block together with JDV's loyalists will finally have the numbers to have her impeached. she knows that if the articles of impeachment go beyond the fences of batasan, she better start packing and sending her CV to prospective employers, because given the executive's relationship with the senate, she is likely to bid malacanang adieu.

gaad... her administration is in deep shit. scandal, after scandal, after scandal. and just when you thought you've seen the worst scandal, comes another one.

palace strategists must be thinking that by granting executive clemency to the titular head of the opposition, allies of the deposed president will be pacified and will think twice about supporting the impeachment project.

both GMA and erap camps deny there's any concession. (yawn.)

if i were JDV, i'd be scared. but it's just the speakership he'll lose anyway, it's not as if they'll kick him out of batasan.

(can JDV do a manny villar in nov2000 and send the impeachment articles to senate in one breath? i'm not sure.)

on healing the wounds of division, may i just drill this into your small heads: the resentment that the masses feel towards this government is not mainly rooted on seeing their icon treated like a criminal (albeit, a very special and powerful one). the resentment stems from the people's despair--they are hungry, they are unhealthy, they can't go to school. they don't feel the gains trumpeted by the government. they don't see hope.

the division is caused by people's resentment towards this government, that continues to trample on their rights as humans, that perverts the justice system to serve its interests and that disregards the rules to save its skin.

(i just wish they all burn in hell.)

wilderness moment

i got my first pay check from the government today.

after a month of hard work, i got this much... err.. this little...

i squeezed the accounting department dry of their patience this afternoon.

coming from an international donor agency, the deductions were a bit too disconcerting.

fine, when i went back to government, i knew the deal-- and that is, i will not be exempted from paying social security and health premiums --and that wicked item known as income tax.

the final figures, their answers to my queries and my upcoming expenses triggered an anxiety attack.

sheesh, i have to get a grip on my spending.

and start praying for miracles.

prayers. i wonder how many people still pray.

i do pray.

now that i think about it, i wonder what God's reaction was this morning when i started whining about this paycheck fiasco. i was going (in a panicky mode): "God, HEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!!! look at my paycheck. my take home pay is so liit. i might go hungry. i won't be able to buy shoes anymore. i'm poor--- boooohooo...."

yes, i talk to God that way from time to time. i mean, He understands. and i believe He can help me with my dilemma. after all, He is this same God who sent manna and quails from heaven for 40 years when the israelites traveled in the wilderness right?

surely, even with my meager salary, He can keep my body and soul together. i mean, what's a few thousand pesos for my monthly bills, some pairs of shoes, and a dozen krispy kreme doughnuts?

nini said that faith is like a muscle. you have to work it to make it strong, to keep it from atrophizing.

i am exercising right now.

unfair

monday.

it's 8:28 in the morning and i am not in my office.

i won't be in the office indefinitely because i volunteered my hidden expertise as forensic psychiatrist in the investigation of the explosion at glorietta last friday.

explosion yes, we call it explosion for now. whether there actually was a bomb is not conclusive.

by the way, it's forensic psychiatrist, not scientist. that's different. forensic psychiatrist is edward norton in red dragon. forensic scientists are the guys at CSI.

i will be at the palace in a while and start working. as forensic psych, my job is to study a suspect's profile. what could she have been thinking, intentions blah blah.

oh, did i say palace? did i use the pronoun she? erase, erase.

better yet, disregard the preceding paragraphs as they are fiction. (red dragon is a tom harris fiction. LOL!)

anyway, i called in sick today because of stomach spasms since last night. remember, i've been checking and grading my students' exams and terms papers the past two days. lovely.

while checking, and reading, and grading, i stumbled on this photo on BB's website.





it's the november 2007 issue of vogue paris.

and it has a tranny named andre on the cover, together with carolyn murphy.

no make that, AND IT HAS A TRANNY NAMED ANDRE ON THE COVER!!!!!!!!!!

darn. it's bad enough that his legs are 100x more gorgeous than mine-- but for him to even be on the cover of vogue????!!!! that's just too much.

UNFAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaargh! stomach spasms.

still on glorietta

they've found another lifeless body at glorietta today, bringing the death toll to 10.

damage was estimated at 100M juan dela cruz pesos, and govt is offering three freaking million pesos to whoever can give infos, clues on whoever did this halloween-esque act.

so far, no group has come forward to take responsibility.

tsk, tsk, tsk....

more theories are coming out:

1. that the bombing was a strategy of the arroyo govt to divert public attention from the scandals rocking her regime. (shocks. how desperate. oh, i'm not referring to the people who came up with this theory-- but to malacanang if such accusation is indeed true. shame on you. )

2. that the public should actually watch out for more bombings since this is the season for local terrorist groups to show off to obtain recognition and funding from the al-Qaeda. err-- scary. really scary.

3. then there's the c4 RDX, was it a bomb or not mystery. if it wasn't a filthy bomb, what could it be? an invisible king kong must be lurking in the basement of the ayala mall. and he farted.

some people are already slugging it out in the media. ("no we didn't do it," " yes you did it," " you don't have proof," blah blah. oh the wicked and wonderful world of philippine politics.)

****
good thing, we have HEROES:

i'd like to give an applause and salute the regular people who rose to the challenge in the aftermath of the bombing. really-- it's the ordinary men and women on the street who always end up saving the day.








***

i didn't go to the mall today--err yesterday. not that i'm scared of bombs-- ummm...well actually, i got a bit paranoid after reading the travel advisory issued by the australian government to its citizens.

and i REALLY needed to stay home and finish checking my students' exam and papers, unless i want my head to be served on a silver platter to my bosses at the university.

shocks, i have 14 more papers to read. (yey! i love my job. err-- part time job.)

darn. i am super hungry.

will someone send me krispy kreme doughnuts? promise i won't count calories.

die another day

i was suppose to have late lunch at glorietta today.

but updating my blog took time this morning. by the time i was done with my jake gyllenhaal and jennifer aniston entries, i was having second thoughts on whether i should still go to my all-time favorite sandbox, or just go to megamall and check out the sale.

while i was in the shower though, i remembered the flats at sapato manila and decided to just go to powerplant. by the time i got out of the shower, my phone had four messages telling me that there was an explosion at glorietta.

i hurriedly went online to check the news. first theory was that, an LPG tank exploded at the kitchen of luk yuen. two people died. i thought-- it was just an accident and i had nothing to worry about.

so off to powerplant i went.

my phone was beeping and ringing non-stop. family and friends were asking where i was and if i was okay.

haha. my reputation as someone who has sold her soul to the mall tycoons has indeed been etched on many people's psyche.

i told them "i'm good. i'm not in glorietta. umm... i'm not home either. hehe. i'm buying shoes at power plant."

when i got home, new shoes, new book, and some pastries in tow, eight people had died, 80 were injured and my glorietta was a wreck.

it was no LPG tank. two kilos of C4 were found on the site.

theories are flying left and right. some say it could be a destabilization plot--i mean you know--with the current bruhaha that the GMA administration is facing.

or, terrorists.

i don't like it when people do these things. if they hate GMA, why not bomb malacanang? or the COMELEC?

****

the brownies that i got from mary grace are superb. i'm eating them now because i feel bad and i'm worried that something like this will happen again in the next days.

but i am also thankful that i am alive. this is about the third time that i was blessed enough to have dodged a mall explosion. first was at megamall in 2000, then at central plaza in siam square last new year's eve, and now this one.

****

a few moments of silence for those who died....




****

UPDATE: 10/20/07

PNP's big daddy Sonny Razon (i dunno what to call him. director general? chief? head?) denied the blast was caused by c4 explosives.

whatevs.

as of last count, nine people have died, a hundred were injured, and of that hundred, around 15 are still in critical condition.

it's 67 days to go before christmas.

glorietta 1, 3 and 4 are open for business. i wonder how many people will flock there today.

anyway, lightning does not strike an object twice.

petty

so i was getting my daily required dose of hollywood chismax when i saw this shot of jake gyllenhaal with his bff austin nichols:

what does your gaydar say?

kainez ha. ang konti konti na nga lang lalaki sa mundo, bading pa yung iba.

recently, a sizable portion of bonding time with my girl friends has been spent analyzing whether a guy we're dating/ interested in, is gay or straight.

here's a portion of our recent analysis session:

me: okay, he wears soft pastels and striped shirts most of the time, sports that "yuppy" sleeve roll, has that gigolo belt, goes to the gym, spends time fixing his hair longer than i do mine, worries about his chapped lips and is really mabango.
auds: what does he drive?
me: a not so flasy sedan. and he has more shoes than i have.
auds: hmmm.... baka metrosexual lang.

the whole metrosexual concept makes the analyzing more difficult.

now i wonder why reese and jake broke up.

team aniston

oh. oh. oh.

first,there was pops fernandez.

guess who is spilling the beans on her split next?

jennifer aniston's stare says it all

can't wait to get my copy.

waiting for non-waitresses

for a change, i am not going to rant.
everything is shining, shimmering, splendid.

i'm entering my cave: i see:

sunflowers and julie andrews singing my favorite things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in a white dresses with a blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
silver white winters that melt into springs,
these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

OH SNAP!

darn. i can't. i just can't.
i need to rant. i need to get this out.
i can't afford to snap at my office this week. i'm too busy to even think of going amuck.

(which reminds me: i have two reports on MDG progress, on how we're doing in poverty reduction, policy brief on the cyber ed project, and that freaking situationer on access to safe water. told you, i won't have time to snap and stalk from cubicle to cubicle, firing an M16.)

last friday: (at my new favorite playground)
sarah: what are you buying here?
me: i dunno. perhaps, shoes. or blouses.
sarah: didn't you just buy a pair of flats two weeks ago?
me: yeah, i also bought a pair of naturalizer sandals last friday. and they're not on sale.
sarah: nye. really?
me: grabe, i dunno. i'm going out of my mind. i can't find a place to live near my office, so i might as well buy shoes.


this morning: (thru SMS)
me: hey, wat tym r u gonna be @ powerplant?
sarah: around 10. stil w8ing 4 tin's reply.
me: il go lang 2 church. myt join u. think i'm buying those flats at sapato manila.

aren't they lovely?

sarah: yey. cge. =)
me: i still can't find a house, myt as well buy shoes.

an hour later:
me: yikes, i dont think i can come with you. i'm bleeding to death, bka mag pas out ako. time of d month. sheesh.

****

so i didn't get to buy those sapato manila flats. and i still don't have a place to live near my office.

after almost a month of commuting four times a week from QC to pasay, i thought, i had enough. darn, i waste almost three hours each day in transit. oh no don't even talk to me about getting a car and driving. with the metro manila traffic and the 8AM time to beat, mass transpo is the way to go. now that i think of it, even with the trains--these suppose to be efficient mass transpo , it still takes me an hour and half to get the office and another hour and half to get home.

choo choo train

three precious hours that i could've spent praying (with my kind of job, i need megadose of divine intervention daily), blogging, sleeping, working on my facebook (yey! i love this online community) and building a relationship (fine-- dating. well nowadays, it's also called hanging out).

the past two weekends, i've been checking some studios/ apartments in some areas of makati that i didn't know existed. and oh gaad, they're so faaar from that "ayala-center-makati" picture that most of us know.

long story short, i'm not yet moving out of my blue room in UP village in the next i dunno, few weeks, few months, because i'm claustrophobic, i hate roaches, and walking pass men who work in vulcanizing/car junk shops give me the creeps.

i WAAAANT a condo in bel-air. however, paying the rent will eat up my entire salary from juan dela cruz.

haaay.

we were suppose to start a big ticket project last month (which can pay the rent for a bel-air condo) but thanks to chairman abalos, all foreign loans and contracts are currently on hold. kurakot kasi eh. grrr!!!!

i have been so stressed over this house hunting expedition that i had to go in for counseling. yeah, just counseling. my therapist is out of town.

counselor in church told me to hang in there. that maybe, God has a few more things for me to learn in the three hours that i commute.

of course i look back at the past several months of dramedy that has been my life and i am thankful that i now have a job that i love, i have family and friends and new friends. and i have beautiful shoes. now all i need is a nice place near my work. i am praying for a surprise. i'm thinking, maybe some philanthropist will take pity on me and give me a unit in one salcedo, or i'd win a three-bedroom unit at the residences in a raffle. or maybe, i'll marry someone from ADB or WB who will bring me to his home in urdaneta village.

all right God, my shoes and i are waiting...