All it took was one text. One word and I jumped up and down and forgot about everything.
I replied, non-chalantly, also with one word: "ÿesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!!!"
Amazing. One word and I’m out of my crash moment.
Oh joy, oh rapture! Here comes search and rescue. Help! Help! I’m over here!
Vivaldi’s “Ode to Joy” started playing in my head.
Bright and shiny.
***
Okay, okay. So I lied. Contrary to my claim in my crap gets crappier entry that there is none among my guy friends/ acquaintance that I can consider as potential significant other—well, there is actually one.
Yeah, just one. And he is not so tall, but very funny and intelligent, not so moneyed but can afford to treat me at my favorite Greek resto, doesn’t have McDreamy eyes, but is chinito and he doesn’t have a friendster account, and with his kind of job, he doesn't have time to read blogs. Perfect.
So let me write about him. Us? Him? He and I? Whatevs.
***
Barely 15 seconds after the waiters said “Opa!” and placed the saganaki between us, A suddenly asked: “Are you ready to get married?”
In my mind, I went: Ohmygad, ohmygad, ohmygad!!!!
I was stunned.
For how long, I don’t know. My thoughts went as wild as: “Oh my gad! He is not proposing! Not this way! I am not in a dress. And I just sort of said adieu to M a couple of weeks ago and I don’t want people calling me a player. And what would I tell our grand kids? That their lolo had me at saganaki? No way.”
I hope now that I didn’t, even for just one second become teary-eyed.
Now that I think about it, when a crush or someone that you see with not-so platonic eyes, ask you about relationship, love and all that bull, you start wishing that he’s asking because he is finally wondering how you would feel like in his arms. Of course, you also make a mental note to thank that woman in front of the Quiapo church who has been supplying your gayuma potions in the past five years. (It finally worked!)
Had it been another guy friend, I would’ve answered, “why, are you contributing to my husband fund?”
A what? Yeah, Husband Fund. See, my siblings, who are increasingly becoming worried that I might grow old alone and just die, given my batting average in the relationship game, are setting aside part of their income for my Husband Fund. The money will be used to pay the scientists who would create the husband in their laboratories (aw gawd, if we were in the States, we would be democrats), or will buy David Beckham and pay for his divorce from Victoria (told you we are democrats). I looooove my family.
Had it been a DOM or someone I despise, I would answer, “Umm… I have a suspicious rash and I am about to enter convent.”
I finally answer: “Umm… why do you ask? May ipapa date ka sa akin?”
He digged into the saganaki and said: “Wala. I just thought I saw you at the bridal fair in megamall.”
As the waiter brought in the kebab, my heart started beating faster again. “What were you doing in the bridal fair?” I said it out loud.
“Family dinner. But we dropped by because Ate’s getting married January next year.”
[Will you marry me? ] I wanted to ask that but I just bit into my chicken gyros.
“Kamusta kayo ni M?”
Eeeek. “We’re okay.” (Seriously, we are okay.)
“Okay as in, kayo na?”
“We're taking it easy, chilling at the mo.”
“Chill? Cool off? Kayong dalawa talaga, you’re always trying to break up with each other, hindi naman kayo.”
[Pag naging tayo, I will not break up with you] “Weird, right?”
“Baka kulang lang kayo sa… you know… You two should be kissing more kasi. Haha.”
[We should kiss later. ] “Gago.”
“Basta don’t waste your time. Huwag ka rin magmadali. I mean, you know….”
[Why don’t you just say you love me and get it over with? Torpe.Torpetorpetorpetorpe.] “Yeah…”
***
It’s 2:00 AM and I am writing this entry on my bed instead of catching some zzz’s. .
As we were ending dinner, my romance bubble popped. I finally accepted that on A’s part, there just isn’t any romantic spark. If he sees me as more than a friend, he would’ve asked me to dinner three nights in advance, he would have shaved, and he wouldn’t even mention that he thinks I gained 10 pounds from the last time we were out. (Grrr… I wanted to slap him.) So my appetite kicked in, and I didn’t care less if he found me matakaw because we are just friends, and friends love each other through gluttonia and anorexia.
***
Of course, I derived my assumptions and conclusions from this guy named Greg Behrendt.
if he likes you, he will do the asking. And if he wants to find you, he will. "An actor we work with met a girl while he was making a public appearance on an aircraft carrier. He lost track of her in about 10 minutes. And yet, because he was so smitten, he somehow managed to track her down in the army and they are now married."
if he's into you, he won't look at anyone else. (AMEN!AMEN! AMEN!) There is no excuse for cheating. "Some cheaters might give you an excuse, some might have none at all, some might even blame you. No one can tell you what to do in this very complicated and very painful situation. But the bottom line is, is this what you had hoped for in a relationship?
if you don't want him to drink, he'll sober up. It doesn't count unless he says it when he's sober. An "I Love You" or any resemblance thereof while under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won't hold up in court or life."
if he's into you, he'll propose. Don't spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings. "There will never be a good time, financially to get married... But somehow, people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse to not marry, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account."
if he's breaking up with you, it's because he doesn't want you. You can't talk your way out of a break-up. "A guy says he doesn't want to be with you. Sometimes, that guy realizes he's made the biggest mistake of his life. And then sometimes, he doesn't. Either way, your only job is to move on with your life--and fast."
***
There. Short. Simple. Liberating.
Greg should get a Nobel Peace Prize for being the messiah of women whose minds men continue to mess with.
***
Parting shot:
That Husband Fund is real. My siblings have set up a 24/7 telethon. For contributions, you may call 1-800-HAVE-MERCY (4283-63729) toll free.
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